Your Shape Your Life – Not unlike most of you, I have spent most of my adult life trying to figure out the best way to be healthy and fit…

Anyone who has ever tried to diet before has most likely experienced the frustration of trying to give up pounds that seem to cling to your body, relentlessly. Especially after holidays, we have all suffered from giving up food favorites and trying to change the routine eating we do. But you can use the humor in diet jokes to keep you going. Whether we want to reduce how much food we eat, change the type of food we eat, or increase our exercise so we can keep on eating how we wish, dieting is hard. Even though we all know it is necessary, we have all faced crucial moments when the realization of how hard dieting is hits us, and we have to decide whether to plug away or to give up. For all of the different dieting tips and tricks available, most people find it hard to achieve success. When you reach the end of your rope and can’t think of anything else to try to help you lose weight, consider what diet jokes may do for you. We all understand the struggle Anyone who has ever attempted to lose weight understands the struggle. There is comradery in realizing you are not alone and a joke or funny diet picture can help turn your frustration into fun. We all know eating healthy is necessary but telling ourselves we can't have certain foods because they are “off-limits” makes them even more appealing. We find ourselves craving the food we can't have and feeling frustrated because our favorite foods, like pizza, are not allowed. Instead of blowing your diet because you are frustrated, or viewing weight loss as miserable, you can inject fun diet jokes and humor into your day and help retrain your brain to find humor in the situation. If nothing else, at least you can get a few good laughs in. The Cheaters Diet Rules If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. When you are at dinner with someone, calories don’t count unless you consume more than they did. Instead of trying to be thinner, just help fatten up everyone around you. Movie food is part of the entertainment package and therefore, no calories from movie food counts. Popcorn, candy, and hotdogs are all free foods when you are at the movies. Food tasting during preparation doesn’t count toward the end results. Calories are units of heat; therefore, frozen foods don’t have calories. Diet Jokes If you find yourself wondering why you shouldn’t worry about gaining a few extra pounds, just remember that fat people are harder to kidnap. If you think you have tried all of the diets, I'm guessing you haven't tried the seafood diet. It's highly successful because you see food, and you eat it. There are many different diets out there, but sometimes I think we are confused about what diets stand for: Did I Eat That? Do I Eat Today? Don’t Indulge Every Time. If you do need to go on a diet, there’s no reason to sugarcoat it…because you’ll eat that too. But what about the Atkins diet movie, “Dude where’s my carbs?” The cheese diet is good for those who are hoping to shred a few pounds. When you find someone who can’t stick with their diet, they are a desserter. Maybe you’ll find them at the paint store because they can get thinner there. The king of vegetables Have you ever met the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley rocks the garden stage I hear. Speaking of famous, I hear that Bruce Willis is trying to lose weight. According to the records, he is trying to "Diet Hard." If you really want to lose weight, have you considered asking a horse? They are on a stable diet. Or are you stuck on the rotation diet? Where every time you turn around, you eat. The best way to know if your low-fat diet is working is to check and see if your fat is hanging lower every date. Dieting is most definitely not a piece of cake; it's three meals a day…but how many pieces of the cake should I eat? People who are successful with their diets have achieved the balance of mind over platter. Ultimately though, diets are for people who are thick and tired of being thick and tired. More Dieting Humor Dieting is such an odd process. We decide we are overweight, so we stop watching what we eat and start watching everyone else eat. I don’t have any issues with steamed broccoli, whole grain foods, fresh vegetables, or any other healthy foods. I just want you to keep them away from me while I am eating. Most people are baffled by my ability to not lose weight after trying all of these different diets. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I am just really good at dieting. This week, I finished my 2-week diet in 3 hours and 25 minutes. It’s my secret. I am a pro-dieter. Diet Meme’s to Keep You Smiling I had to give up running for my health. My legs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire. Have you ever had that glorious moment when you felt like you were losing weight, only to realize your sweatpants had come untied? Me either. I've never had a problem with losing weight; my problem is that I keep finding it. The absolute best way to keep your cake moist is by eating it in one sitting. If you don’t slice it then you technically only had one piece. If nothing else, at least know that your love of ice cream is better for you than illegal street drugs. When you are eating salad, and you feel like it tastes like you would rather be fat, just remember that your doctor only said you need to eat more greens. He didn’t say what kind of greens. If you need to eat more greens, just add green food dye to your meals, and you will be covered. The best low carb and gluten free meal I’ve ever had was bacon. When you measure your body mass index (BMI), if it seems like you are obese, maybe you are just too short. More smiles What is your ideal weight? Mine is getting down to the weight that’s listed on my Drivers License. My diet wasn’t successful. I tried to lose weight by counting calories, but I lost count at 5,000. Maybe tomorrow will go a little better. I finally found my favorite exercise. It is a cross between a crunch and a lunge. I call it lunch. Ugh, I hate it when I think I am buying organic vegetables and I get home and they are just regular donuts. My doctor advised me to stop going to intimate dinners for four…unless three other people joined me. I make my diet easier by adjusting my slices. Yesterday at the local pizza place, the waiter asked me if I would rather have my pizza sliced into eight pieces or 4. Of course, I told him to cut it into four pieces, because I really don't think I can eat 8 of them. The biggest problem I have with jogging is that each time I realize I am not in shape enough to do it, it’s too far of a walk back. Final Dieting Thoughts If you are one of the many people in the world, who have experienced the torture that one can only experience while on a diet, you are not alone. Hopefully, this article, full of diet jokes that you may or may not want to follow, has helped you understand that dieting is a worldwide endeavor that needs a dose of humor. If nothing else, I hope this article will leave you smiling and reassured that the calories that sneak into your room at night to sew your clothes tighter are visiting many others as well. Sticking to a strict diet and weight loss regime is a struggle. If you find yourself feeling stressed or negative about your diet attempts, it will be healthier, and more successful, for you to flip your perspective to the positive. When you are trying to lose weight, if you constantly feel down about giving up food, worried about what you are going to eat, obsessing over the scale numbers, or frustrated with yourself for any slip-ups you have, you are setting yourself up for failure. Find the humor Instead, you can use humor to ease the stress and relax your expectations a bit, so you don't feel bad. Instead of looking at weight loss as an insurmountable mountain, look at it as a lifelong journey. It isn't going to be accomplished in one day, and it isn't going to change overnight. Just like a trail in the woods, your journey will have small hills and valleys, and a few twists and turns. Understand that it is normal. Don't give up when it feels tough because it won't always feel that way. In the meantime, find humor to help you through. The next time you need a little dieting boost, remember these diet jokes and funny diet pics, share them with your friends, and burn at least a few calories laughing at the hilarity.

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